the whole problem with science

What physicists, religious critics and geeks like myself have been waiting for:

First beam in the LHC - accelerating science

A historic moment in the CERN Control Centre: the beam was successfully steered around the accelerator.

Geneva, 10 September 2008. The first beam in the Large Hadron Collider at CERN (European Organization for Nuclear Research) was successfully steered around the full 27 kilometres of the world’s most powerful particle accelerator at 10h28 this morning. This historic event marks a key moment in the transition from over two decades of preparation to a new era of scientific discovery.

“It’s a fantastic moment,” said LHC project leader Lyn Evans, “we can now look forward to a new era of understanding about the origins and evolution of the universe.”

Read the rest of the article here.

Now if you actually read the article and had a slight nosebleed, Calvin has a simpler, thoughtful take on things (click to enlarge):


More Calvin wisdom:

(Calvin is standing behind a box with “SCIENTIFIC NAMES: $1.00” written on it):

Hobbes: "Scientific names?"

Calvin: "Sure. Scientists think up all these cool, wacky theories, but then give them dull, unimaginative names. For instance, scientists think space is full of mysterious, invisible mass, so, what do they call it??? Dark matter! DUUHHHHHH!!! I tell you, there’s a fortune to be made here!"

---

Calvin: Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

Ah, I miss Calvin and Hobbes. Someone buy me the book collection please.


Read more about CERN and the Large Hadron Collider. Check out the video, too.

spiralling (to half a tablet, three times a day)

I want to move. Far away, like to another country. For about six months, one year, tops. To study, work part-time, just be. I’ve been wanting to do this for as long as I can remember. And I want to do it before I get any older, get married, start a family, all that. You know, just do it, get it out of my system. Experience it without worrying about feeding children.

I think my family needs me here. Mama’s not well, never has been, really, it’s just becoming more and more obvious now – even she can’t hide it. Alex just got well. I’ve started a company here. After two years it’s still an infant, but hey Rome wasn’t built in a day. I want to start another business with my mother, who needs it more than I do on an emotional and psychological level. My brother’s just basically starting his career, and might need help in some areas of it. Mark’s here.

And oh, I have less than $700 to my name. That’s after five years of working. Can’t even buy a one-way plane ticket.

So these things are pulling my head in many different directions. And I’m just about to go crazy. Again. Hello Alprazolam.

today

Surfed the net for pictures of Ellen and Portia’s exquisite wedding, and ended up at Joshua Radin’s website. He sang at the wedding a song called Today. Beautiful. So I listened to all of Joshua’s new songs and they’re all great. Mental note to search for his current and previous albums (oh my haven’t been to a music store in so long).

Anyway, now I’m a huge fan.

Pointless observation pala: All the celebrities and artists I like or whose work I admire, their names all start with J. John Cusack. Joshua Jackson. Jesse Bradford. Jude Law. And now Joshua Radin.

With the exception of Edward Norton. And Ellen. Whose names start with E. Hahaha! Told you, pointless.

Even in real life. My friends will know that the names of the people I used to like/love/hate (haha) all start with J or E. Mark’s nickname at home is Jomark by the way.

Hay walang kwenta ang post na ‘to hehe. Sakit pa ng tiyan ko huhu.

By Joshua Radin:

Vegetable Car

baby, you don't even know me but one day i'll get up the courage as you pass by you'll see baby, one look just might save me i need you to slow by the corner stop right in front of me till then i'll see you hopefully through i do, wish that you'd ask me to ride along it wouldn't be wrong to tell me more than i know about you she drives a vegetable car diesel mercedes green two-door i barely know who you are lisa loeb glasses i'd sure like to ask you to stay baby, i need you to save me the one thing that my heart requires is that you admire me till then i'll see you hopefully through i do, wish that you'd ask me to ride along it wouldn't be wrong to tell me more than i know about you she drives a vegetable car diesel mercedes green two-door i barely know who you are lisa loeb glasses i'd sure like to ask you to stay how do i know why the sight of you makes me weak each time i see you turn on to my street your hair is always up in a bun this girl's the one she drives a vegetable car diesel mercedes green two-door i barely know who you are lisa loeb glasses i'd sure like to ask you to stay don't go

walang aalis

Found a comment on a recent article/post about the Eheads:

"we love the eraserheads. kahit ilan beses kayo bumalik at magdisband, may manonood pa rin sa inyo.

take your time. andito lang kaming lahat."

Aww.

083008 photos

concert photos

waiting to exhale

What do you do when you're extremely happy and at the same time heartbroken? I don't know. Don't know.

The much-awaited Eraserheads reunion concert ended for me, and I think for most of us, on such a strange note. Quite hard to explain. To say that the Eraserheads reunion concert was a rollercoaster ride is an understatement. The gamut of emotions felt last night cannot be fully expressed here.

I first got wind of the concert from my brother's friend Jaemark, whose blog I usually stalk. Apparently the rumors took a life of their own, mostly through the net, and the build-up was the most intense I have ever seen for any concert. More than talk and speculation, there was just so much emotion invested in this event. Simply because we're talking about the Eraserheads. The single most loved phenomenon in the local music industry of this generation. I was about 13 years old when the Eheads were peaking. I've never actually owned an Eheads CD, and until last night I had never been to any of their concerts. But I, like any other sane Pinoy of my age group, absolutely loved them. They are so much a part of contemporary culture , and their songs brought and continue to bring to life what we mortals only thought and felt. They truly are the soundtrack to our lives.

So there it was, for the past month this great big sleeping giant was slowly waking up. And after all that hoopla with Philip Morris, we learned that it was truly pushing through. I bought my tickets at Greenbelt 1 as soon as I could last Thursday. Psyched myself up (as if we could surpass the already immense excitement) by playing Eheads songs at work. Texted people I thought would be coming. I myself was going with Mark, Camille and Len, but I was hoping to meet others there as well (stretching my luck was more like it).

By Saturday we were all pumped up and ready to go. I went to SURP, after which I went back home to get the car, and fetched Camille who was at a fieldtrip in Manila. By this time Mark, Len and I had found ourselves stuck in traffic, under pouring rain, and constantly checking the radiator in fear of overheating.

"What else could go wrong?" was what we kept asking ourselves and each other. Which really meant, what could possibly go wrong during the concert? I mean, this was an Eheads concert, and an extraordinary one at that. Anything could happen. We were almost sure there would be a stampede. Or that the rains would transfer to Makati and drench us all.

But none of those happened. Instead, we were, as if by magic, given SVIP passes. Yessss! I never even thought there was something better than VIP. I said goodbye to my Patron tickets, and proceeded to grab free "pa-demure" sandwiches served on trays by waiters, plus drinks. SVIP - whatever it means - definitely rocks. Too bad I couldn't get Shiva in. Sowi. :(

When the band (are they still a band? they most definitely were tonight) came out after a riveting countdown, it was just...stunning. They looked so sharp, so present, so alive. They were together. Onstage. Singing songs as a band once again. For everyone there, this was a dream come true. This was history.

Len noticed Buddy taking several deep breaths right before they sang the first song, and we knew that they wanted this to work out perfectly. We all did.

It was perfect, really (they sang With A Smile, which basically made my night). It was going so well. Then Ely took a pause after Lightyears (tama ba?) and sat down on the floor. After that they went to intermission for more than thirty minutes, and never came back as a complete group. Instead, Ely's sister read a message saying his brother had been rushed to the hospital.

And then, just silence. Palpable silence, silence in our minds and hearts. It was as if reality had been yanked from underneath us and we were all suspended.

Like I said, anything could happen. Something was bound to happen, and we suspect everyone in the audience felt it right from the beginning. We sensed something was very wrong when Quark and Mich Dulce and everyone else in their, hmm, posse, started to leave. After that, the crew started packing the instruments.

We just didn't want to entertain the thought, I guess. Long after the announcement, we were still in various states of denial. We lingered at the venue for nearly an hour.

Later that night Len pointed out how this concert was, for her, supposed to bring closure to the Eheads saga, a definitive event that would tell us all where they stand, wherever that is.

But we didn't get that ending. That's how it felt for me, unfinished. Just like when they broke up. It was as if someone/something is telling us that there isn't any period to the story yet; wala pa ring tuldok, gustuhin man nating lahat para na rin sa kapanatagan ng loob. Pero wala eh. It's like we've been inhaling for such a long time, and we haven't let the air out yet.

Which is not to say we weren't content. The fact that they were standing onstage together was amazing already, and the 15 songs were more than enough. We didn't even expect them to perform for more than 45 minutes. First song pa lang, sulit na.

And that's the strange thing, this mixture of emotion. The highs and lows in a single blow.

More than anything, we pray for Ely's recovery. Last time I checked he was stable. Thank God. I heard they were set to do 30 songs, and according to Manong Railing (the burly male staff by the railing separating us from the stage) they were supposed to take breaks every 10th song, but Ely pushed it. His health finally gave in after the 15th song. Was thinking maybe he felt he had to push as far as he could, because the moment he stopped to rest, that would be the end of his night (but this is just me overanalyzing).

There's been a growing buzz (yep, this early) about a Part 2. But the producers and promoters haven't said whether or not this is possible. It would depend on a lot things, most of all Ely's health.

A continuation would be great, but that's in the future. Right now, all I know is that the Eheads have made history, and we're all still holding our breath.

083008

'Nuff said.

Evan's A.R.K.

I saw Evan Almighty this weekend, on HBO. I found Bruce Almighty just okay, so I wasn’t too excited about this.

I ended up watching Evan three times wehehe.

Sure, the movie reviews were almost all bad. And I didn’t like Lauren Graham at all (too bad because I’m a Gilmore Girls fan). But I loved it anyway. First of all, Steve Carell is absolutely hilarious. He has a humor that is totally irreverent and yet totally vulnerable. I love him. The fact that I haven’t found a DVD of The Office’s first season is driving me nuts.

Also, I like the movie’s themes, however scattered they may be at times. Congressman Evan Baxter wants to change the world (according to his winning campaign slogan). Who doesn’t? Even for marketing purposes, everyone wants to change the world.

Sometimes (most of the time?) we complain about not being given enough chances to do so. We make excuses for not doing the right things by saying we’re not given enough time, we’re not allowed to, we never had the opportunity. It’s easier that way. Easier to turn our backs and blame the world for not being nice enough.

We have to look further to see that opportunities abound, but not always given to us on a silver platter. God (Morgan Freeman) said, “If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?”

In the movie, Evan, like all of us, is given the opportunity to change the world. And what an opportunity it is. It isn't easy. It’s not like volunteering for Gawad Kalinga. God is making Evan do something crazy and unbelievable and stupid by today’s standards. Crazy and unbelievable because God doesn’t appear to people and send boxes of gopherwood (okay, maple and pine) and ancient tools to make an Ark!? And how the hell could anyone build it by himself? Stupid because granted the above were true, who would anyone even want to? Oh, but God does send the materials – and detailed instructions. And it takes all of Evan’s faith to follow Him, but he does.

That’s something. For me, that’s what movie is about. Faith despite our own doubts, despite fear of ridicule, despite abandonment. As God told Evan, “You fought me every step of the way, but you still did it.”

I found that line very striking. Maybe because I’ve had my own whopping share of doubts – about religion, God, doing things in God’s name, etc. My growing up years were a mishmash of internal tug-of-war and philosophical debates about religion and faith, religion vs. faith, blah blah blah. I feel like I’ve traveled through the ages in search of that truth, and I’m thankful that where I am now is truly a comfortable place, where I am at peace with the things I believe in, and the things that I do because of those beliefs. I still yawn whenever I’m inside our Church (old habits die hard I guess hehe) but I still like being a Catholic, however flawed I or my Church is. I incorporate my Catholicism into my multitude of beliefs about this universe and that higher power, which comes in many different forms and incarnations that are not altogether Catholic. This entry would not be enough to explain how I feel about my faith, which transcends religion, but I can relate to Evan because I also fought, every step of the way. And hey, like Evan, I’m still here.

Since the film is about changing the world, it’s also about, well, the world. Why it needs changing in the first place. The “a-ha” angle was of course, the environment: the impacts of market-oriented, corporation-backed onerous land use laws; encroaching on national parks for the sake of “development”; the simple act of ignorantly choosing endangered Amazonian cherry wood over plain maple. God showed Evan a lush natural landscape, then superimposed the high-end housing enclave he was living in to indicate what had been lost because of humans' ambitions. The Great Flood came, of course, from the poorly built man-made lake and dam above the suburb. Some of those touches of environmental awareness and sustainable development wisdom were a little too obvious, but they nonetheless made the little environmental planner in me do a little Evan dance.

I also like the fact the production itself was “environmentally-minded”, offsetting their carbon emissions by planting more than 2000 trees (one for each cast and crew member) near the site and using bikes instead of cars as transportation around the production site. Every little act counts, yes?

In fact, that’s also one of the film’s lessons. How do we change the world? One single Act of Random Kindness at a time.

No excuses, people. Because opportunities to Act are everywhere, for everyone. Asked why he thought God chose him, Evan answered honestly and correctly: “He chose all of us.”

---

Quotes:

Evan Baxter: [Looks into rearview, sees God who just appeared out of nowhere] AAGGGHHHHH! AAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!
God: [smiling] Let it out, son. It's the beginning of wisdom.

---

Joan Baxter: Honey, maybe God didn't mean a literal flood. Maybe he meant a flood of knowledge, or emotion, or awareness.
Evan Baxter: If that's true, I am going to be *so pissed*.

---

Evan Baxter: [on the ark, addressing a big crowd] People! The flood is imminent!
[everyone looks around, bewildered, and up at the sunny sky. Evan addresses the heavens]
Evan Baxter: Is it too much to ask for a LITTLE PRECIPITATION?

---

Ark Reporter: What makes you think God chose you?
Evan Baxter: He chose all of us.

---

God: Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?

---

God: How do we change the world?
Evan Baxter: One single act of random kindness at a time.
God: [spoken while writing A-R-K on ground with a stick] One Act, of, Random, Kindness.

---

[Rita voices her disbelieve in Evan's ark]
Rita: Look, I go to church every Sunday.
[Evan doesn't believe her]
Rita: Every "other" Sunday.
[Evan still doesn't believe her]
Rita: I've been to church!

---

Evan Baxter: Do I know you?
God: Not as much as I'd like.

---

God: One nation, under Me, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
[looks over at Evan]
God: How long you wanna do this son? I've got all eternity.
Evan Baxter: [faints dead away]

---

Rita: The way things are going, if he gets any crazier, we might end up in the White House.

---

Ark Reporter: It's September 22nd and we're all still here...awkwarrrd!

mindcrap

I recently looked around my room, surveying the mess that had accumulated over the past year. I began counting the bags that I saw.

When I reached 50, I stopped.

Fifty! More than that actually, because I lost count after 50. And that doesn't include the bags my mother and I share (sosyo).

Egads. How could a person own so many redundant things? This morning I resolutely pulled down several bags from the racks and threw them into a large paper bag. Time for some mid-year cleaning.

I retired a beat-up cotton bag from college, a flaking faux leather bag from 168, a very stained black bag from mama's friend, and some others I mustered enough strength to say goodbye to. I started to feel good after about 10 bags. Tomorrow I'll get back to the lot. Maybe I can manage to clean up my entire room, too (cross your fingers).

They say your room is a reflection of your state of mind. If this is so, then my head must be a complete and utter mess.

Here's the thing: I don't disagree. Which is somehow ironic because I pretty much have everything in life at the moment. Life's a blast. Things are going great.

Yet there's a queasy feeling I just can't let go of. Something at the pit of my stomach that just doesn't feel...right. I can't pinpoint what it is, what causes it and where it leads to. All I know is that it travels through my body and settles in my head, trumping my otherwise brilliant logic. It contradicts what could be a perfectly happy condition. It completely messes things up.

God, what is that? What is this illness, this...syndrome? I need to know because my head is this roomful of beautiful junk, and I think I may need to throw some stuff away. But what?

The Office: Bioman

(warning: not very nice. may even be politically incorrect.)

Last week I was at the office quite early (coz I wanted to leave early haha). It was a nice morning, and I was feeling good. Because I was feeling good I turned on my PC and played my usual morning music.

"Excuse me."

I almost jumped out of my skin when I heard the voice. I looked behind me and saw one of our consultants, a thin-framed Brit with balding white hair and a light liver spots.

"Could you turn the music down?" he said, followed by "it sounds whiny" or some other indistinct mumbling.

Well hey there. Hey hey HEY. David Archuleta hadn't even gotten through his first verse yet. Okay granted, he's Archie and he does sound a bit whiny, but how could have thin-framed Brit possibly known that when he was sitting all the way on the other side of the office?? And the volume on my PC was at the lowest level. The lowest, because I hate loud music. Especially on such a nice morning.

I wanted to huff and puff, but instead I smiled through gritted teeth and took out my earphones. He should be lucky all he heard was Archie, because up next was Cookie belting out Billie Jean, and I'm sure ol' Brit would be tumbling his way to my cubicle to shush me if he heard that. Hmp. Stupid consultants.

A couple of days later I learned that he was shushing people from all corners of the office, people who not only were on the other end of the floor, but were also separated from him by actual, thick walls, and whose music was just as low as mine! Now, I'm all for some peace and quiet and respecting other people's peculiar working conditions, but man, he would come knocking and pointing out noise that no else hears. It's completely baffling. How does he do that?! Bionic ears, I tell you. I think he can hear a pin drop, literally. Must be excruciating. I imagine his entire body vibrating violently whenever he talks.

Hmm, maybe that's why he kept looking at us, everytime we gathered and discussed things at our common area. I thought he merely wanted "to belong". Now I think he wanted to kill us, but restrained himself and simply stared.

Or maybe his superhuman ears were internally bleeding. Must. Not. Smirk.

Shoutout from Paranakyu and its lovely environs

Finally. Southerners represent!

http://southbound.ph

The Office

Seeing that I, despite my declarations of freedom, won’t be leaving my day job anytime soon, I thought I’d take out the misery by writing about the daily happenings in my immediate 9am-6 pm environs, to be filed under ‘the office’ of course. Because sometimes life really is like a sitcom/mockumentary, and when you have your very own Michael Scott, you just can’t resist. I’m still looking for my Dwight Schrute.

Because right now, this is a job. If I advance any higher, this would be my career. And if this were my career, I'd have to throw myself in front of a train. - Jim Halpert

FINALLY!!!

No longer just a theory, dizizit:

http://www.philstar.com/archives.php?aid=2008071263&type=2

See you all there!

lilypad

http://vincent.callebaut.org/page1-img-lilypad.html

There are things that make you really wonder about what life is about. I mean, really think. There is a moment, for example, when all the cliché, romanticized scenarios about suffering suddenly fall by the wayside, to reveal a blunt, ugly truth that cannot be shaken or fashioned to suit your current fascinations.

You see other people with a debilitating disease, or learn of someone’s sudden, tragic death, and you feel sorry for them while thanking the stars for how lucky you are. Then you move on. You never really get the full grasp of what it means until it hits close to home, to you or a close relative or a very dear friend. Then and only then will you be able to comprehend the incomprehensible. And it’s something that can hardly be explained, only felt and known.

You realize that things happen for no apparent reason other than the one you invent for yourself, in an attempt to fill the blackest void. You learn that pain can, in fact, be abysmal, endless, enduring.

And so can love.

Just when they thought he was out...

...he pulls himself back in.

Ladies and gentlemen, Robert Downey Jr. is Iron Man.

Watch it.

Acknowledgement

Wanted to post my 'thank yous' last October, but it seemed less momentous than doing it during graduation time. I also tried looking for my old blog where I posted my undergrad thesis acknowledgement but can't find it, the blog host no longer exists! :( I do seem to remember that I tweaked the text in that blog entry - I was coming out of a bad breakup so I deleted the line that had me thanking my ex, hahaha! If he's reading this, sorry. I think I did put it back in the actual thesis. Or maybe it was the other way around? Oh well, bygones. :p.

So, fast forward. Thank You, 2007/8 edition. No edits, promise. :)


My heartfelt thanks to:

My adviser, EnP Rosario Jimenez, whose enthusiasm, wisdom and kindness have given me the confidence to push forward and be a true advocate; my critic, Prof. Nic Del Castillo, for his insightful comments and suggestions; and my reader, Ms. Remy Amores, for her openness and encouragement.

Mr. Noel Cadorna, Ms. Whang Pacifico and the staff of Muntinlupa City’s Urban Poor Affairs Office; the residents of Esporlas Itaas and Hillsview, especially Mang Lope and Aling Aida; and all the people I spoke, worked and coordinated with during the course of my thesis.

All our professors at UP-SURP, whose individual and collective contributions to the planning field serve both as an inspiration and a challenge; indeed, my contemporaries and I are standing on the shoulders of giants.

Ate Luz Rivera, Ate Me-ann Esporas, Kuya Robbie Rodriguez and all the administrative and library staff of UP-SURP, whose tireless effort and patience keep students afloat.

UP-SURP as a whole, for opening my eyes and being the compelling, living, breathing environment that it is. It has been a witness to our yearnings and bold imaginings, we hope to return to it triumphant.

Dear friends Len and Edison, all my partners at EnPraxis and other co-SURPees with whom I now share common dreams and lasting friendships. From baby steps to giant leaps…onward to a genuine praxis of environmental planning!

Mark, my toughest critic and my most fervent cheerleader. Thanks for helping me keep my sanity – and for letting me be crazy when I need to be. Thanks for believing in me even when I refused to believe in myself. Thank you most of all for your love and commitment.

My family – my touchstone, my measure of goodness and integrity. I live and work by their example. Thanks to my brother Ivan, whose sheer genius inspired me throughout this work.

Last but not least, the Almighty, who makes everything possible.

Mabuhay and pag-asa ng bayan (2x)

I made it a point to finish my graduate studies before 2008. I officially graduated last October. Actually it should have been much sooner than that, but as Life would rather have it, I didn’t. My friends and I experienced delays (what would grad school be without them?): thesis roadblocks – except Mark who finished his thesis in a record “less than” one year! and Vir who took the comprehensive exam instead of the thesis path – extra subjects, office work, plain procrastination (of which I am the queen), and other such reasons. It so happened then that the four of us – Len, Mark, Vir and I – would find ourselves marching together, among 4000+ other Centennial graduates of the University of the Philippines.

I should probably say that I’m too old for this. After all, I already attended my undergrad commencement exercises five years ago, how would this be any different? Truth be told it did feel a little bit silly, sitting beside 20-year-olds who were laughing at the guest speaker, repeating the words he was mispronouncing as if it made them feel better to know they could pronounce the word “privilege” better. It took all of my patience not to scold them for showing disrespect to the man on the stage, who is infinitely more distinguished and respectable than they are. I realized that the five-year difference between me and those kids does matter – maybe I’m more uptight now? Hahaha.

Then again I’m not yet too old. Not too old to feel happy and giddy and proud, standing beside my friends and colleagues and marking another milestone in our lives, on UP's 100th year no less. Not too old to appreciate the immense support of our professors and mentors/”surrogate parents” who guided us and showed us by example how we could help society as environmental planners. Not too old to feel the love of family and friends who saw our professional lives unfold. Not too old to express our gratitude and honor by actually finishing what we started. And definitely not yet too old to be running across the road in high heels and formal wear because we were late for our own graduation! Yes, the tunganga brigade strikes again! Much too much merrymaking – not to mention long speeches – at the UP School of Urban and Regional Planning Recognition Program (which ended 10 minutes before the university graduation), and our insistence on walking from UP-SURP to the UP Ampitheater (most sustainable form of transport eh hehe) meant that thousands of other graduates were already seated when we arrived huffing and puffing, trying to hide behind students we didn’t know and melting under the unbearable heat of the summer sun. It didn’t help that those around us were nicely made up and calmly fanning themselves. Not a strand of carefully curled hair out of place!

But all’s well that ends well. We had a blast throughout. I fumbled only a little (hehe) with my sablay, we didn’t forget to take photos of the UP@100 sign, and I felt great singing UP Naming Mahal once again – fist in the air and singing the last two lines as loudly as I could. Never too old for that. :)

photos at http://larababeh.multiply.com/photos

Special thanks to Edison, EnPraxis partner and official photographer/PA. Di bale, when your time comes to graduate, there'll be a minimum of four cameras pointed at you ;)

Life is nothing but the occasional burst of laughter rising above the interminable wail of grief

The film Dedication is "about Henry, a misogynistic children's book author who is forced to work closely with a female illustrator instead of his long-time collaborator and only friend."

It was surprisingly pleasant. Hmm, it just now reminds me of Music and Lyrics in that girl broken by her teacher/lover meets a guy and works with him kind of way. Except 1) I honestly wasn't crazy about Music and Lyrics, 2) this is isn't all Drew Barrymore-y and it really isn't about the girl, and 3) Henry Roth isn't a washed out 80s bloke. He's just this neurotic guy who needs to pile up books on his chest while laying on the floor to keep himself sane. I guess I can relate better haha. Plus, Henry's got a cool, dead friend.

___________________

Henry: She deserves better than him.
Rudy Holt: Now you're talking.
Henry: Better than me, too.
Rudy Holt: Yeah, but she doesn't know that yet.

---

Henry: I've spent my whole life... wanting something... and doing my very best not to find it. Never even going near the places it might be... And suddenly, I've got the goddamn thing practically chained around my neck.
Lucy: What are you talking about?
Henry: You. You. You're the, you're the... You're, you're- you're the goddamn thing. Ahhh, uh. I mean... You're, you're. I can't describe you... uhh, I don't, I don't write that kind of shit, I write... You know, the people who write, who write the real books, the love books, and the poems, and even those stupid little fucking novels with the hunky assholes on the cover...
Lucy: Stop...
Henry: You know it? You know what I'm talking about? You know - you're like Princess shit! You know? Fairytales. You know what I'm saying? The million guys are after you and are blinded by your beauty kind of shit. Real big stuff. You know, that just - even, we got the dick that kidnaps you and sticks you in a cave and you're guarded by a five-headed dragon, you know and the tales of your plight are spread throughout the land and all the guys go and put on their shoes so they can see what's up and none of them have the balls to save her except for me. I would go through anything... for you. And still, there I was looking for a way not to see it. Anything. Money...
Lucy: You stupid idiot.
Henry: Yeah.

---

Lucy: Do you just genuinely dislike me, Henry?
Henry: A week ago, I didn't give a rat's ass about nebulas and now I can't get enough of them. Ok?
Lucy: Nebulae.
Henry: What?
Lucy: It's nebulae... not nebulas.
Henry: Ok, fine. I don't care about nebulas. You know accuse me of whatever you want, I'm probably guilty of it... contributing to global warming, and killing a squirrel once, and using the word retarded, and occasionally misinterpreted bigotry, but don't, don't... don't don't don't don't don't accuse me of not liking you. Ok?
Lucy: I understand.

---

Henry: I've never been good at finding things, I'm really good at losing things.

---

Henry: You'll be fine. We'll both be fine Rudy.
Rudy Holt: That's life Henry.
Henry: Yep.
Rudy Holt: You know what life is?
Henry: Life is a horrible little giggle in the midst of a forced death march towards hell.
Rudy Holt: No it isn't.
Henry: An interminable wail of grief...
Rudy Holt: No. Life is a single skip for joy.
Henry: I know.

summer song

Eternity
Robbie Williams


Close your eyes so you don't feel them
They don't need to see you cry
I can't promise I will heal you
But if you want to I will try

Sing this summer serenade
The past is done, we've been betrayed
It's true
Some might say the truth will out
But I believe without a doubt
In you

You were there for summer dreaming
And you gave me what I need
And I hope you find your freedom
For eternity
For eternity

Yesterday when we were walking
You talked about your mom and dad
What they did that made you happy
What they did that made you sad

We sat and watched the sun go down
Then picked a star before we lost
The moon
Youth is wasted on the young
Before you know it's come and gone
Too soon

You were there for summer dreaming
And you gave me what I need
And I hope you find your freedom
For eternity
For eternity
For eternity

Sing this summer serenade
The past is done, we've been betrayed
It's true
Youth is wasted on the young
Before you know it's come and gone
Too soon

You were there for summer dreaming